Perfectly Imperfect

At the risk of being a Debbie Downer, I am posting this anyway. I just need an outlet to say what I am feeling, and then move on. When reading various blogs and facebook posts, I sometimes get the impression that a lot of people live in this perfectly perfect world where every day is romantic and relaxing. Nothing is ever sad or wrong. They are the perfect person, with their perfect spouse and perfect kids.

There are some bright moments in my days, but most of the time, I struggle. I mess up, do and say the wrong things, disappoint people, miss opportunities, fail. Stumbling through the days with great intentions and ideas, and everyday, falling short.

I could stop here and proceed to throw myself a pity party for how pathetic I am, but I won't. There is something more to life than just living in blissful satisfaction, being the perfect wife, mom, cook, and housekeeper. This world is not my home. I am not satisfied, and don't think I will have a perfect moment until the day I am taken on to live with Jesus forever in a sinless place. In the meantime, will I try to do better? Sure. I want every day to walk worthy of my calling, to please Christ, to be a blessing to my family, to be a good manager of the things I've been entrusted with. It's comforting to remember that often God uses the weak and the foolish. I am hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed.

'But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us." - 2 Corinthians 4:7

Our little wheezer

This past week we became the proud new owners of a nebulizer, after Evan had his most recent episode of uncontrolled wheezing for over 24 hours. To look at him, you would have no idea how tight his little lungs actually were. The doctor was more concerned than I had expected. She is great though and I have so appreciated how aggressively she treated him. Poor kid has an ICU nurse for a mom that waits until he's really bad to treat him. I really did not realize how tight he was. So we are on a slew of medication this week and then hopefully down to just one and breathing treatments as needed.

Here are Ryan and Evan shelling peas to pass the time. Daddy has to wear his mask too! Evan has been such a trooper about it all and has quickly become accustomed to his new turtle mask and smoke medicine.

John 15 came to life

Since these pictures are all in the wrong order, I will write according to their order rather than trying to reload them all. This is what I pulled from the garden this morning, because as I mentioned earlier I am too chicken to brave the pea rows without Ryan. This is what I could muster up the courage to retrieve!

This next picture is of a tomato plant, interestingly the "Early Girl" variety which should bear earlier fruit. This young lady has been frustration for me since day 1. I have mercifully allowed this plant to continue to take up space hoping that it would produce tomatoes at some point. We planted, watered, fertilized, and even pulled a giant horn worm off the branches. She looked so pretty and green at one point, even put on flowers, but never one iota of fruit! I understand more fully now the meaning of pulling the branch that bears no fruit! After all that work, it is useless to me.

"Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away..." ~John 15:2

As I continued through, my thoughts turned and hope swelled as I looked at the okra, continuing to stretch and grow and produce veggies! Of all the things growing, this plant brings me the greatest joy! It's my first time to grow okra, and I've been fascinated by it. If you can look closely, you can see how along the central stalk there are all these little stumps where the okra has been cut off and the new growth is on the top. Every other day I go out and cut off big beautiful pieces of okra, and the next day there are these lovely flowers smiling at me first thing in the morning, and new okra are already growing!

"...and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit." ~ John 15:2

More of the same for the black-eyed peas. I would have just left them alone, all gangly and overgrown, but my wise farmer husband has been pruning them as well to encourage more production of peas. It totally worked! Pruning is a wonderful thing for these plants. And I hate seeing that because I know it works in my own heart the same way. When God allows hard times, difficult circumstances, or maybe takes something away, I know that it is with hope that I will grow and bear more fruit. So hard to see sometimes, but now I have a daily reminder in my own backyard - literally!

"By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples." ~John 15:8

May it be so.

5 months old

Eli is 5 months old today and time is truly flying! He and Evan are such joys to me and Ryan, words cannot express. Evan says the most hilarious things these days and Eli thinks Evan is pretty big stuff. Example - On Monday afternoon while checking out at the store, Evan points to me and says to the clerk, "That's my mommy. Those are Mommy's boobies and I love 'em!" Nice. I politely excused my son and then proceeded to explain to him why that is not appropriate. Boys!

Eli is so laid back. He is happy wherever he is and is not very motivated to roll over. He has rolled from back to tummy chasing the paci with his mouth, but only a handfull of times. I think he and Evan are going to have such different personalities and I'm excited to see what the future holds for these Steward boys!

On a sidenote, please check out our new favorite book, Fool Moon Rising!!!

(www.foolmoonrising.com) Alora passed it along to us. Evan loves it and it is a super cool book about giving glory to God.

Veggies

At the risk of officially being the world's most boring blogger, I have to post an update on the garden, one of my little joys. We have had probably about 20 little cherry tomatoes off one plant, with many more to come! This little guy really outdid himself. So cool to eat stuff we planted and God grew!

Some Roma tomatoes... not the prettiest shapes like you see in the store, but way tastier!

Our first official black-eyed pea pod! I am so excited and can't wait to harvest these... they are my favorite! My Grandmother always grew them and I just can't imagine a summer without them. Now that she lives in Texas and her garden is getting smaller each year, I think it's my job to pick up where she left off in the pea producing industry!

Okay, here is my dilemma... The pea rows have gotten so big and bushy that I am too squeemish to shimmy in between the rows to check for pods. I'm hoping my big hunky farmer husband will help me conquer my fear and do the dirty work! However I will scream loud if a grasshopper or toad jumps out at me, and I will run like a little girl all the way to the porch! ;o) And just for the record the white dust is poison dust to kill the monster of a grasshopper that has been busy munching the leaves of the peas...jerk! Today I clobbered a juicy caterpillar that I caught on a tomato plant. Did you know their guts are dark green?!? Gross!

This is my garden this year. It's hard to tell from this picture, but the "tendrils" of the peas are at least as tall as our fence. Kind of gangly-looking from a distance, but a beautiful sight to my eyes and grocery budget!

Evan and Eli

Eli has been enjoying the excersaucer these days. I just love his chubby little legs... they can barely touch!

He is a happy guy! Eli has really just been such a joy from day 1. He has the sweetest spirit and I feel so blessed to get to be his mom. I will say that I am pretty crazy about all my boys!

Evan enjoys playing in the sprinklers. This one Craig, Danielle, and Jackson gave us. Thanks again guys! And by the way, the "swim shirts" rock and save Evan from being smothered in sunscreen! Even got Ryan one this year! :o)

How does our garden grow?

I am so excited by our garden this year! It's really beautiful. I love having a garden, and I got that passion from my Grandmother who loves to watch things grow and who has a lot of wisdom about gardening. Lucky me, I married a farmer who also knows about growing things.

It will never cease to amaze me how a little seed completely loses itself in the ground and from it springs huge leafy plants that produce fruit like crazy! I pray my life as a wife and mom would produce fruit like these plants that is useful and brings such joy to others.

This picture is of a squash plant. The flowers are blooming and just below that will soon grow into squash!

This picture makes me smile. While Ryan and I were planting, we were keeping Evan busy planting some old green bean seeds that didn't turn out well last year in his sandbox. As everything was coming up, we realized one of his seeds randomly made it into the black-eyed pea row. So we let it stay. Maybe we'll get a decent green bean off it this year!

Green bell pepper here... got a jalapeno plant too! Yum.

This morning I got up early (6 am folks!) after feeding Eli, BEFORE Evan woke up, showered, spent some time in the Word and even had a moment to sip some coffee before he was stirring... what a blessing! And of course of all mornings, Evan slept in an hour later than usual which means I could have also if I had stayed in bed. God is so kind and wise though. He knew I needed that extra time with Him to think and reflect. I really hope I can continue getting up early and getting started with my day. It has been nice.

Update in pictures

We have been having so much fun with the warmer weather! The first picture has nothing to do with the weather, but I think it's funny and cute of Eli asleep on the couch.

Eli at exactly 2 months... tomorrow he will be 3 months old.

Everyone else went swimming and Eli got to chill on the glider. It will be his turn soon! Evan had a blast his first time in Papa and Mimi's pool. No pictures of that for obvious reasons. ;o)

One of Evan's favorite things to do... play with his brother in the "jungle gym". They love each other. I hope they stay that interested in each other.

I'm still not sure how my mom got all the way to the top. Evan asked and she made it happen, like usual. :o) We love our Mimi.

Sweet Eli

That's what I call him. He really is a sweet baby and so snuggly! He is growing and changing so fast, and I am just trying to soak up every minute. For the most part, adjusting to two has been easier than adjusting to the first. Don't get me wrong, I'm still tired from getting up in the night and managing 2 year old antics, but overall I'm in better shape after the second.

We have the most non-photogenic family... so here's the best family pic we have so far! ;o)

This was my nurse Stacy and my AMAZING midwife, Ann!!! I don't know what I will do without her - she's retiring. I am so thankful for her and her help bringing both of my boys into the world. On a sidenote, this picture was taken less than an hour after Eli was born - no tubes, no wires, no monitors! I know natural childbirth is not for everyone, but it was really great. Thank you Ann for your support and encouragement.

Me and my boys - love 'em! Evan has been sweet to Eli and seems to be adjusting pretty well.

I feel incredibly blessed to have the honor of being a wife and mother - the best jobs in the world. I love our growing family!

Eli Alexander Steward

I am sorry it's taken me so long to get this post up! I still don't have the pictures I want from my mom and mother-in-law's cameras, but this will do. Sweet Eli was born on March 3rd at 8:23 in the morning, weighing 6 pounds 11 ounces and almost 21 inches long. He is such a joy. Evan is adjusting pretty well and I am feeling good. Ryan has been back at work a few days now and we are slowly figuring it all out. We love our family of four!